Videos of self-styled finance, marketing or e-commerce gurus explaining in front of a microphone and some pretty girls the ways in which they can make money as easily as they do are now ubiquitous on Instagram.
Spoiler: in many cases they only sell courses, software or tips on sports betting. Almost always it is fuffa, hence the epithet fuffa guru.
Before offering their products, these weirdos try to get the message across that anyone can become a millionaire, but only if they really want to and follow a set of maxims to set the right mindset.
Some change depending on the personal recipe of the guru-influencer, others are similar for everyone.
We have collected for you the golden rules for becoming a perfect millionaire mythomaniac, destroying your own life.
Wake up earlier than everyone else
The 8 hours of sleep recommended by doctors to live a healthy life? Forget them if you really want to join the richest 1% of the world's population. Waking up early, in fact very early, for the gurus is a value in itself. So long as it is only you and a few people in South-East Asia who start working at 4am.
Personally speaking, this would already be the first, unresolvable snag in my climb to success. I have never been an 'early bird', but this routine would annihilate me. If I tried to wake up in the middle of the night I would probably become so intractable that I would jeopardise work and social relationships in no time. Millions more.
Living in straight edge mode
Between waking up in the middle of the night and a morning of meetings, many people recommend doing sport very early so as to load up on endorphins and perform better.
Nothing wrong with that, mind you, but besides the usual problem of us non-morning people, just the idea of sweating and then getting to work makes me anxious. Want to put a nice breakfast reading a book?
Visualizza questo post su Instagram
Sports, yes, but what some gurus don't seem to compromise on are vices –despite saying they all live in Dubai, but go figure. In fact, there is a current that advocates not smoking or drinking alcohol for any reason, so that you are always clear-headed and ready to bill. It is also advisable not to think too much about girls or starting a family at a young age: it distracts from business. Behaviour that they advise (or impose) on employees and customers.
It is not clear whether this is because they really believe this or is some kind of magical thinking.
Elegance is synonymous with success
The true businessman as well as not having yellow teeth from smoking must dress smart –jacket and shirt – even if he spends all his time making telemarketing calls or updating an Excel from the kitchen at home. Because elegance provides security and helps close contracts. Besides making you sweat profusely by forcing you to spend hundreds of euros on dry cleaning every month.
Don't let a customer get away
OK remote work, but lunch, like dinner, are occasions not to be missed under any circumstances, according to the most hardened gurus. Forbid the canteen, sandwiches on the fly and schiscetta if you want to bill while you eat because that's not how you get customers.
As I heard someone say in the above videos: “There is no point eating with your wife because you can't sell anything to her”.
Working while others enjoy themselves
This conception of the lunch break as a business opportunity is implied in another of the rules of life propagated by the fuffa gurus. And that is the importance of working or studying while others are having fun.
Weekend? "No, for goodness sake, you can rest when you're dead". Or: “It's when you have holes in your schedule that problems arise”.
Visualizza questo post su Instagram
Since I can't work eight hours in the summer without two Polase sachets I find it hard to conceive that anyone would willingly choose this path, but of course free everyone.
I merely note that even if I really followed all these tips together I would almost certainly not become rich and would probably enrich my psychologist much more.
Illustration by Gloria Dozio - Acrimònia Studios
.jpg)