It might sound like the beginning of a Woody Allen film, but instead it is a sad trend concerning toxic relationships. You may have already been confronted with this kind of situation where there are those who do not want to be with you in an official sense, but want you to “belong” to them. To quote a proverb, “people who want their cake and eat it too.” Or, you may have found yourself behaving this way.
Coined by the website Metro UK, the term Seagulling literally means “seagull” and refers to acting, to stay on the movie theme, like those greedy birds featured in the Disney animated film “Finding Nemo.” In the film, in fact, seagulls are focused on shouting, “my! my!” toward their prey, even though they are already full of morsels of food to satiate themselves.
It doesn't matter if they are really hungry, as long as they can say that something belongs to them.
But what is it all about? Fear of commitment? Shame in confrontation with a partner? Those who practice Seagulling are more afraid of ending a relationship than starting one. So why want to be with someone with whom you are aware that you are not compatible? Or why pursue a relationship if you already know it won't be the right one?
Tess Leigh-Phillips of Your Happy Heart Coach said, “The emotional upheaval of the pandemic has caused relationships to form under difficult circumstances. Loneliness has become more prevalent than ever before, everything accentuated. Now that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, many of these relationships will lose intensity and fade in light of a future free of Covid and lockdown.”
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Thus, it seems that the emotional upheaval resulting from this condition occurs when relationships arise in complex moments animated by loneliness, which has become increasingly prevalent.
In addition, Seagulling can be defined as an affective attachment whereby some people may feel a lot of anxiety about sex and love and have difficulty breaking away from relationships. Even experiencing worry for a long time after they have ended.
But are we sure? Pre pandemic or post pandemic everyone's stories tell us the same trend. You meet a person, you like him/her however you are not convinced or you are absolutely sure that it will never become something serious. Maybe the sex is amazing but the public relations a disaster, maybe the other way around? Inside you know that he/she will not be the partner of your life but you want the utmost devotion from him/her. You run away when you are faced with an advancement in the relationship, like introductions to relatives, a cousin's wedding where you make the grand entrance but then if this person walks away, as is normal, you go back and try to get him/her back to satisfy the unconscious need for possession.
In short, the oldest story in the world, property rights, insecurity, indecision, boredom. Many partners in everyone's journey can be described as the “Charons” of love. They ferry from one relationship to another, perhaps the right one. More than a trend, it is a fact that has been happening since the dawn of time, and in the end, again to stay with the movie theme, “He's just not that into you.”
Illustration by Gloria Dozio - Acrimònia Studios
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