Mila and Claudia are an Italian homogenous couple transplanted in Spain, specifically in Barcelona. In recent months, we have heard a lot about the possibility for gay couples to have and/or adopt children, and between one denied right and another, Italy has confirmed itself to be a retrograde country in this sense, such as to push those who want to live exercising their rights normally to abandon it.
I had a chat with the young Spanish naturalised mothers. Here is what they told me.
Hi girls, what does it mean to be a homogenous couple in Italy today?
Hi Fabiola, unfortunately at the moment it means being a family in the spotlight, but invisible in the eyes of the law. We have no legislation to protect us and this makes everything very complex. We do not exist on paper, but we are always on everyone's lips.
That is precisely why you left Italy....
We moved to Spain five years ago with the idea of having a family and growing up with our children in a healthy and welcoming environment. We have learnt a lot too, it is not easy to forget old legacies and pass on the right messages to your children.
But you are Italian, do you think you would want to go back if the climate and legislation decided to become more inclusive?
We have two different answers to this question, but we agree that we would not want to return without a statute to protect our position. In any case, Claudia misses her family and homeland very much, she would like the possibility of returning in the future. For me it is different, I moved to Spain when I was 16 and I consider it my home.
Why do you think Italy is failing to make progress on the homogenous issue?
We do not have the right competences to answer this question. The attachment to motherhood in the biological sense, whereby one is a parent/children/relative only through a blood bond, is evident. What we notice here is perhaps less individualism. People participate actively and truly believe in collective struggles, considering the protection of rights a duty.
Well, tell me about your children, when did you decide to have them?
Here too we have different answers. I would say since always, Claudia, probably only when she really experienced the situation.
In Spain there are no problems for a gay couple. Are you more integrated or is there a tendency to create a micro community of your own?
It is not correct to say that there are no problems at all, even here there are frequent cases of aggression against non-heterosexual couples and obstacles for some homosexual couples (surrogacy is also forbidden in Spain for example). Undoubtedly Spain has come further, but there is still a long way to go. Regarding your question, we attend the community of our friends and girlfriends, we have attended a few meetings of the equivalent of Famiglie Arcobaleno in Spain (and it was always very nice and formative), but on a day-to-day basis we hang out with the people we have chosen regardless of their sexual orientation.
How did you explain to your children that they had two mothers? As long as there was a need to explain it to them.
At the moment there was no need to explain anything. For them it's normal to have two mums, other children* who attend have a mum, a mum and dad, two grandparents, people next door who they consider family. Certainly with our eldest daughter we are starting to include inclusive literature books among her recreational activities, which in some cases shows the process of motherhood for two mothers who have chosen the same path as us.
What do you say to those who claim that gay people's children will become gay?
That therefore the children of straight people are all straight? Because in that case it would not add up.
What do you say to those who claim that surrogacy, as well as other methods of conception, are violence to the woman who lends herself to it?
We are a little sorry that the issue is being generalised. We obviously have our own opinion (which is constantly evolving) on the subject, but since we are of the opinion that everyone should always be free to decide on their own bodies and their own existence, we are sorry that surrogacy is constantly put at the centre of a broad debate on homogenous families. This practice in fact concerns 90% heterosexual families in Italy.
If you had the chance to send a message to Italian institutions, what would it be?
That we exist and always will exist. That wronging us and our children will not tarnish the spectacles of their soon-to-be disgruntled voters for long.
Your greatest wish?
To get to the point where we do not have to do an interview to talk about our family, because we will be a normal, boring family that no one is interested in knowing about.
Images Mila & Claudia
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