It is certainly not easy to introduce a subject with such a frightening echo. It is not easy to accept its existence, to become aware of it, to reckon with it and, above all, to admit its plausible closeness to those who are close to us. Especially today, you know, 50.000 men are part of the Telegram groups, our friends, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, friends of friends, fathers, protagonists of the investigation conducted a few days ago by Wired.
50.000 members sharing images of women, girls, babies, who become at the speed of light the object of sexist insults where the degree of excitement is not measured by the nakedness of the person photographed/filmed as much as by the condition of domination over materials of which one feels the owners.
It’s been barely a year since the Camera dei Deputati approved unanimously law on Revenge Porn (not consensual pornography), the text reads:
“Any person who sends, delivers, surrenders, publishes or disseminates images or videos of sexual organs or sexually explicit content intended to remain private, without the consent of the persons represented, shall be punished with imprisonment from one to six years and fine from 5,000 to 15,000 euros. The same penalty shall apply to any person who, having received or otherwise acquired the images or video, sends, delivers, surrenders, publishes or disseminates them without the consent of the persons represented in order to cause them harm”
a year that doesn’t seem to have changed the ease of sprouting like mushrooms of anonymous groups, not traceable, on platforms that benefit the spread and protection of them.
It is clear, therefore, that the change will not take place by legal measures. It is a slow process, the need for a constant voice to talk about it, a progressive revolution that must start from the cultural context. On International Women’s Day we said: “We take this opportunity to say that a great collective effort must be made to ensure that education, study, knowledge and respect for others are once again at the centre of life in every corner of our country” and today we are here to confirm it.
We asked three free women: Claudia Riva, producer and writer, Marina Manfredi, owner of @lavuemilano and Serena Congiu, make-up artist, aware and proud of their body and mind, what their opinion was on the theme and how successful.
Have you ever sexted or agreed to take sex videos that directly involved you?
Claudia:
I sincerely do and I don’t see it as a taboo. It happened to me with my partner or who it was. The situations and occasions were multiple and different. Sometimes it happened for pure physical lack of the person, other times for play. I always thought it was funny, but not with everyone. There are partners who inspire you to do it and others who don’t, so I’ve always lived it very naturally and just as quietly. I see it as a practice extremely relevant to a person’s personal sexuality and I consider it a stimulant of the fantasy and aesthetics of sexuality, but without becoming a rule. Choosing a particular shot, or using light can make of those amateur photos of small art forms, also because it is not or it was not in my case to show only a part of the body but to look for the beauty of each of us.
Marina:
I happened to film myself with my boyfriend of the time and it happened that one night I gave my camera in the hand of some friends to take pictures at a party we had organized.
I completely forgot about that exhibit as I went through the evening photos, they tripped over that video. They confessed to seeing it, without teasing me, they wanted to inform me because they felt guilty. I have sunk into despair and I confess that I had bad thoughts, but I must say that, in the drama, I was lucky, because they reassured me in every way by telling me that I should not be ashamed and that in no way they would ever think of spreading it. They were close friends of both, and they never mentioned it again. They knew how disappointed I was.
Serena:
No, except for a few bland photos I exchanged with partners I was lucky to trust. I tend to see sexuality as something intimate and reserved, a feeling that I have so far preferred to live rather than immortalize.
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Have you ever felt in danger compared to what you did?
Claudia:
Not at all, maybe because I only did it with my partner of the moment. That doesn’t rule out that even though you can trust blindly, something could happen. I never thought that someone could make other use of it. If he did then I am not aware of it…
Marina:
I felt in danger yes, because I thought someone could unload it and disseminate it. But I believe and hope it never happened. I never did anything like this again.
Serena:
Honestly, no, for the reasons I explained earlier, if I were to discover that my intimate photos have been disclosed, I would not be ashamed of the photo itself, because I do not believe that the naked body and sex are something to be ashamed of, but I would be hurt that this material was published for reasons of revenge, threat, humiliation, or self-celebration.
How will the situation change?
Claudia:
I don’t think we can get to a total breakthrough even if I see a change. It is a progress that is making space among women because they are increasingly aware of their own bodies and also to the consciousness of what they can do to us. To enter into the intimacy of a person and make it public without her consent is a form of absolute and unforgivable violence but likewise we women must use that famous intuition that they attribute to us to try to understand with whom we can and with whom we do not.
Marina:
Unfortunately I’m not very optimistic about this, I don’t see a turning point on the horizon. We have always been victims of these facts.
Serena:
We are bombarded by the continuous strengthening of the same message by the mass media, by politicians, by religious institutions, by the entertainment industry up to more restricted areas such as the workplace and the family itself.
I think that the classical education system must be complemented by forms of personal and sexual education, civic education and psychology, making prevail the values of respect and sensitivity, empathy and love, rather than competition and the pursuit of individual success.
Growing up in a context of love and respect would help the child not to become a harmful adult, but able to question themselves in a constructive and non-violent way.
Why do we live in a still strongly patriarchal society in 2020 that does not know the respect for the autonomy of the other?
Claudia:
Because women are victims of themselves. We get carried away by easy enthusiasms, we believe in Prince Charming, we use too much perfume and little brain when we have a lot of brain but above all we do not team up. It will be a banality but there is very little solidarity between women, not because esteem starts from the physical aspect but because we are always very much and too focused on ourselves. I love and respect women, I find them much more intelligent and cunning than men, but some, many of them are not able to use only their heads to get where they want and so they get lost in a glass of water.
Another big problem is that we do not get the chance to prove ourselves. Oscar Wilde said, “Give women a chance and they can do anything.”
I say, “If we don’t get the chance, let’s take it”.
Marina:
Because there is still the belief that the female pleasure is abominable, against nature. As far as feminism is concerned, we are still stuck in the idea that women are associated with something ethereal, pure and that they cannot enjoy without being the victim of unpleasant appellations. The men do not have a equivalent of “slut”, the maximum that is said to him is “man-whore” that however encloses in itself another appellative to the female, “whore” rightly… We are all complicit in these mechanisms, women in the first of all.
Serena:
There are a number of economic, political, social, cultural and religious causes that I cannot address. Things don’t change because the power doesn’t change, on the contrary, it is increasingly concentrated in the hands of a few subjects who have total interest that everything remains as before.
What advice would you give to a woman who is a victim of revenge porn?
Claudia:
This is a difficult question and the answer is impossible. In a world, not just online, where there are fathers who would like to rape daughters, ex-boyfriends, brothers, mature people and teenagers who exchange photos, comments that incite violence, there is no advice, there is only the good fortune of not having to deal with people like that. If you are a victim of revenge porn, you are the victim of a virtual rape and there is little to say and little advice to be given. What is certain is that when you cannot choose what remains is inadequacy, anger, guilt and frustration difficult to erase. They tell you not to lose sight of the respect that someone has taken from us to turn an abuse into inner strength, a blade that has wounded you must become your dagger to have more and more respect for you. But it’s just words. To experience all those negative emotions is something else. But you can succeed. You have to succeed. It’s an obligation to make it and it’s an obligation not to give up on living because the world is full of assholes and the mother of morons is always pregnant.
Marina:
The shame can be enough to make you believe that your life ends there. But life cannot and must not end because of the wickedness and inhumanity of someone else. You fall, but you have to get up talking about it. You can’t get through it all by yourself, you have to seek the help of friends, family, law enforcement and not least a psychologist to get through the down. You should never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.
Serena:
I repeat, don’t be afraid to ask for help! Learn, inform, confront other women in the same situation, and find the courage to respect themselves: denouncing.
Go to psychologists, lawyers, police, support networks.
Always remembering your rights and the importance of your autonomy.
For anyone who feels the need for more specific, here are some IG accounts that deal with the matter in depth:
@virginandmartyr
@avvocathy
@carlottavagnoli
@silviasemenzin_
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